“But Nobody Gets Hurt With Casual Sex”

“But Nobody Gets Hurt With Casual Sex”

The world’s sexual narrative says, “It’s private. It’s nobody else’s business. Nobody else is getting hurt.” I beg to differ. When you choose to practice casual sex—bonding and breaking, using and leaving—you are damaging your capacity to love another human being the way God has loved you. You’re harming something deep in your being in exchange for a moment of hedonistic pleasure.

No one’s getting hurt? Think again. As a pastor I’ve logged time listening to human stories. A trail of tears has left watermarks on my life. I’ve listened to stories of unplanned pregnancies and abortions, disease, date rape, acquaintance rape. I’ve listened to confessions of the use of pornography, which turns men, women, and children into objects of sexual pleasure. I’ve listened to testimonials of sexual addictions. I’ve seen middle-aged wives dumped by Daddy for a younger model. I’ve seen breakup, regret, depression, low self-esteem, adultery, ruined reputations. I’ve watched homes torn apart, children of divorce, and friends you can’t invite to the wedding. I’ve counseled the fallout from the moment the fiancé says, “Did you? And who?”

The sexual story of our world has created more pain than almost any other evil.

But of all the stories I’ve heard, the one I’ve never heard is, “We regret that we waited to have sex until our wedding night.” I’ve never heard that. But I have seen a premarital couple come in for a talk, then a few days later one of them sheepishly calls and says, “I don’t know what to do about this. There are these other people, and I know he/she is going to ask me. It’s kind of embarrassing. The people I had sex with are our friends. How do I tell him/her? Do we invite them to the wedding?” And at the end of the conversation they usually say, “I’d give anything to have that night back.”

Casual Sex Hurts Nobody?

We’re not hurting anybody? Get real! We are killing each other. And the price tag we’re paying is destroying people’s lives. The world’s sexual ethic is the story of selfish quest, use and abuse, and destruction. The story of God’s people is a story of intimacy, covenant love, binding and staying bound, loving ‘till death do us part.’ That is the story of the people of God.
Which story are you in? Which story are you practicing? Which story has claimed you?

“I’m going to do what I want to do with my own body,
and hopefully nobody gets hurt;
but if they do, it’s a risky world out there.
I can love and leave if I need to.”


“I’m going to make a commitment to one person in this world
that I will make to no other person in this world.
I will demonstrate the kind of faithfulness to that person
that God has demonstrated to his people
down through history when he said,
‘Don’t go after other gods.
I love you like no one else can love you,
and I want you to be secure in this relationship with me.’”

Which of these narratives defines your life?

Today’s post is an excerpt from Human Sexuality.


  1. Rebecca Garner says

    Thank you so much for sharing these excerpts from your books as “share-able blogs.” They have come to mean so much to me and they make me so excited to be part of your team on the SE Region. Thank you for going deeper, searching harder and especially for not turning a deaf ear to the issues the church should have been facing with this kind of truth and transparency all along, but sadly did not. Our young people need you. The church needs you and the world needs you.

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